My life has become intolerable by slow degrees.
I'm unhappy despite being quite happy to ignore many unsolvable problems.
I've reached the end of my tether.
My income needs to at least double before I can afford to live by myself.
Why is Sydney so expensive?
Should I escape and move to Melbourne like so many do?

How does one make it without a candy themometer? I made a batch. Sister made a batch. We're both unsure of the correct texture. Bah. It's so rich we're swimming in it like floating islands.

Sarah Blasko. Perfect for above depression.

I could never belong to you
Love is something of an art,
when we are led by such divided hearts,
painted black, their centre red,
beating now,
they're loaded with regret,
full of memories that you can't neglect,

Of all the things that you've yet to prove,
oh the times I've thought this whole thing through,
lived whole lifetimes in disguise from you,
how can I hold to a pale idea
when you've given everything you can,
and by everything you feel, you stand?

But I could never belong to you,
for all the troubles of an onward path,
the confusion lacks a tragic punch,
when we take the desired turns,
all we have is all we can find,
no-one else can make this mine,

I could never belong to you,
pictures in the family ark,
faces faded, stories gone,
one sure light from eras dark,
two by two they all marched on,
but I could never belong to you.

The Figurines. A danish band outhooking even the best Swedish pop riffs. Been listening to them for months and still hasn't approached the overplayed bin.

"I spend eight hours on continuous songs
I drank a lot that night but I swear you were wrong
A glass of water and I made up my mind
But fell asleep with the sunlight straight in my eyes

I worked a lot

Don't come near her she's without her disguise
Just let her think for a moment, she will strugle and cry
The nightly missions they used to surprise
Now I'm just floating on on a Saturday night

I worked a lot

It's getting late and I sit for a while
Is what she longs for based on the things I despise?
A glass of water and I made of my mind
I walked away through the sunlight ready to try

I worked a lot"

I like this the best out of the Beijing Holga shots. I should have used 100ISO instead of 400 film to get a better vignette but figured there wouldn't be much sunlight because of the ever present dust/pollution.

Discovered that Ted's Camera behind Woolies offers 10% off for film if presented with a student card. Dang. Next time dragging anyone with a card to get the discount. Film is so expensive.

Pagliacci(Clowns)- Vesti la giubba (On with the Play)
Canio discovers his wife is having an affair, and sings his pain and grief in this scene.
Mario Lanza probably sings this the best. ~sigh. A pity he died young.

Most would have heard this famous aria somewhere. The goosebump bit is near the end.

Finally developed the film taken from my Holga. Biggest problem is the light leak from the viewfinder. Le sigh.

In another story I found, well actually stumbled across a store selling lomo LC-A in Beijing. I was in giant building called "Tea City" obviously drooling over tea and all the associated paraphernalia. But on the top floor were where professional film camera freaks hung out. I was a bit freaked out since there were only guys up there with giant wads of cash. A tripod of decent height, Chinese made, only $10AUD, and it sorta goes up from there. And everything is negoitable in China. Their inital prices probably have a 20% markup. Wandering around I spotting someone buying a LC-A. So I bought the last one(omg an original '91 made in the USSR) the storeowner had in stock for $188AUD. Nice considering lomography.com have started selling them again in annoying packages for $250USD+. Peh for a supposedly cheap camera. The store is so cool. Had all these old school film cameras like Mamiya TLRs, Leica(drool), Seagulls and really really old Nikons and Canons with various other Japanese and Chinese brands. Apparently the camera market/district was near Tea City but by close they mean a block or two. Took at least 20mins to walk one block. Not doing that ever again.

Tried to do a trick on the LC-A and now the shutter won't work. Doh.

I officially finish/quit work on Monday. People ask me if I'm excited, unfortunately I'm more tired than excited. But they're free to feel excited for me. I've a list of things I need to do and buy, but couldn't be stuffed at this point in time. I'll probably start moving off my arse two days before we leave.

I'm pretty happy with my digicam. The only worry I have is that sometimes there is too much contrast, so you can't see the shades of white, and of course the purple fringing.

Another case of overachieving asian parents living through their kids on bbc. This poor kid got grounded for getting 96% in an exam?! I've met a fair share of overachieving kids, but this is way crazy having such strict parents. But what's even worse is that those bloody crazy americans tried and sentenced her in an adult's court when she was just 16 when she stabbed her mother to death.

When I got the Sydney Writer's festival program last month, I couldn't help but chuck a silent hissy fit. Neil Gaiman 22nd May Townhall. But then again the fest starts on the 16th, so no use wasting energy on histrionics. As much as I want to hear Neil speak, I want my Stardust book signed even more. They're making a Stardust movie with quite a few famous names I even recognise, Claire Danes, Robert De Niro, Sienna Miller, Michelle Pfeiffer and Matthew Vaughn directing. Like most adaptions, I have a few reservations about this being made into a movie.

Vaughn: "Obviously, to make it into a movie, I have to change it a bit, and put a new third act on. It's going to be cool, sort of like 'Princess Bride' meets 'Midnight Run'." Errr RIGHT! Princess Bride? Midnight run? Just dumb down a great storyline just a bit more! Sounds like he got the comparison from the Amazon review which compares it to "The Princess Bride and The Neverending Story".

"The way he paints is very Victorian in a way, but I want it to have more of a modern look. I think the problem is that when people say 'we're going to do a fairy tale, so therefore, let's shoot it in a fairytale way.' I wanted to shoot it more modern and grittier."
But it's the very Victorian atmosphere that tends the novel it's charm! And I dunno about Claire Danes as leading lady, she's got a too squeaky clean look about her and she's well, boring.

I think it says alot about a place(and people) when the first link that comes up in google is the CIA factbook.

Made Blancmanger(Milk Jelly). It actually uses almonds, milk and cream. You can *just* taste the almonds but I think that's one of the things that makes this dessert. The sublime taste of almond milk with the tart blueberry coulis cutting across it. Heaven. The recipe uses a raspberries, but after checking my wallet decided that I'ld go easy on it for this test run. It felt too much like highway robbery at $10 for 120g.

I always feel I have 10 thumbs and lots of blonde moments when trying to figure out a new recipe. Dividing ingredients from 6 serves to 2 is beyond me. I end up with minuscule numbers, forget about trying to measure out 30mls of milk. Trying to figure out what the hell "limpid texture" means while frantically stiring helps. I always end up using more bowls, spoons and equipment than necessary. But Fifi does the washing if she wants any dibs on the food. She was complaining she should've been doing chemistry homework. How could you pass up cooking? It's fun chemistry and as a bonus you get to eat the results.

I'll probably try passionfruit & praline souffle next because my bro complained he couldn't eat the blancmanger. Since I've done several souffles before, I'm sure I can pull this off. Well, not really since there are just a few extra ingredients and steps.

Been listening to Radiohead's OK Computer again, and remembering everything I loved about the album. The atmospheric songs just make me want to cry. Generally most albums only have a few truely good/great songs with the others being disappointing or not upto par. But there is just something to love in each song on this album. The cheerful glockenspiel over the sad lyrics in No Surprises or the inverted piano line in Karma Police. I can't wait for their new album this year.

http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/

Now if only I can stop avoiding the issue.

Managed to get ONE of the 15 bowls of tonkotsu ramen today. I'm happy.

Browsing around the net I stumbled across this fascinating article about Disney's own very exclusive club called Club 33. At the bottom of the page you'll notice Chef Marcel's very simple recipe for Club 33 called White Godiva, Dark Chocolate Celebration. Seeing how delectable it sounded I proceeded to plan my very first try of this recipe.

But I was already stumped. Where in the world do you get Godiva white chocolate liqueur? The only place I knew that regularly sold large-ish quantities of Godiva was DJs, and even then it was $100+/kg. I didn't want to think what the liqueur would cost. So I was quite happy to substitue that without much thought. Chocolate liqueur is quite easy to find, white isn't. So I found a city liqueur store that imported them for a while. They only did so for a while because some bars used it in their cocktails but no longer. So they were on a discount because the store wanted to move the stock. I was delighted to find them on discount, but then dismayed at the cost. $30 for 500ml!

Then I had to get another piece of equipment. A terrine mold. Why call it a terrine mold when loaf mold would do just fine? Bleh.

Making the dark chocolate was lots of fun. I used a combination of about 80% dark and 20% milk, because I thought it would be a bit too rich if I used 100% dark. I had trouble with the folding. The mixture became quite thick and heavy towards the end(and quite rich too :D).

I think I screwed up the white chocolate sauce. I think I left it on the heat for too long and the egg began to solidify. I was confused by what "first signs of boiling" meant. =_=; So there might be small lumps of who-know-what-it-is.

Pictures of the fruits of my sorry labour.
Dark Choco
Dark Choco close up
Dark Choco + (freshly made)white choco sauce
Dark choco sliced

In the last blurry picture you can see a blob of white on the right in the chocolate. That's the cream that didn't get properly folded in. =_=;

Because of that the taste wasn't consistent. Some parts were quite rough, others smooth, but overall VERY RICH and heavy.
Because of that the next time I eat it I will ensure I have a tall glass of ice water next to me.
Because I played around with taking pictures, the dark chocolate started to sweat and droop! onos!
Because of that I decided that it's a dish that needs to be served IMMEDIATELY, and that it's very very hard to make.

Now, I'm feeling quite ill from a case of chocolate overdose.

Overall my brain is 25% on the male side. But the results say I've a "balanced" brain, neither too male nor female(thank god).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex/

sic transit gloria
("thus passes the glory")

The bio of a band I like and well... rumour has it they are offically breaking up :(

The Unicorns are a three-headed beast; though they were birthed as a two-headed beast in small-town seaside canadiana on an exotic island on the western coast. Nicholas 'niel' Diamonds & Alden Ginger rode pigs to school and hunted wild boar for pleasure (now they adopt a strict fruitarian lifestyle. More on that later). Diamonds ran away from home at a young age, relocating to Montréal - Canada's gay, petit-paris, to pursue a career in homology as it pertains to animal husbandry, then moonlighting as a street strumpeteer in the city's slummier, more historical neighbourhoods, leaving poor Ginger toiling on an increasingly unwelcome island, complete with rampant polygamy and blindfolded barnfights (more on that later).

In Montreal, Diamonds was introduced to J'aime Tambeur, a young hustler from the east end. A hearty friendship ensued.

In February 2003, Ginger was attacked in a knife fight (he escaped with a handful of flesh wounds) & banished from his family home. He boarded a bus & headed towards Montréal, detained briefly in Regina, Saskatchewan on shoplifting charges + impersonating a police officer (badge #C3808), armed only with his trusty 6-string & a few changes of underwear.

When Ginger finally arrived, the 2 boys released some early home recordings to little fanfare, some acclaim & a recording contract with a strange esoteric Japanese label.

Then the 3 joined forces to refine the old songs & occasionally write new ones. After a few productive months, they were whisked away - their first tour - by a group of gypsy elder rock musicians, heading west & being shown the ropes along the way.

By October 2003, after more arrests (drug possession, grand theft auto), self-immolation, and the loss of virginity, the gang, now taut like stretched elastic, returned to their second home (Montréal) only to pull up their roots & leave soon after... but not before the celebrated release of their P.H.D.'d sophomore album which has brought them across the country twice more.

As winter approaches again, the boys head to the sun...

I love em! The Unicorns are such bullshiters~ On their website they have the message "HELP! The Unicorns have been kidnapped and are being held for ransom at the Kastle! Can you successfully find your way through the maze and rescue our boys?" and a maze with no entrance nor exit.

Jellybones
[Patient:]
For so long I trailed you
Now here I am, but I can't stand
With these Jellybones

Checked myself into emergency, urgently.
Drove up in my bone-camarrow, thinking only about you.
The doctor walked her crew of surgeons to the table where I lay
I came to, and my knee-caps were off.
They were soft, I had Jellybones

[Doctor:]
I woke him up and broke the news
After everything was sewn
I said: "Son, you've got a full-blown case
Of what is known as Jellybones."

I was born (A Unicorn)
[DIAMONDS:]
I was born a unicorn
I missed the ark but I could've sworn you'd wait for me

[GINGER:]
I was born a unicorn
I could of sworn you believed in me.
Then how come all the other Unicorns are dead?

[DIAMONDS:]
Put your crystal's under my pillow
[GINGER:]
Send your epistle to my bedfellows

[DIAMONDS:]
If I stop believing in you
[GINGER:]
If you stop believing in me
[DIAMONDS:]
If I stop believing in you
[GINGER:]
If you stop believing in me

We're the Unicorns,
We're more than horses,
We're the unicorns,
And we're people too!

I was being my normal silly self on new years eve, using this new knife mum bought when it naturally slipped and easily sliced a nasty deep cut in my finger. Unfortunately the sight of my inner flesh and blood must have been too much because before long i found myself fainting or blacking out. What was really bad was going into shock just like I did when I was first brought into hospital 2yrs ago. gaaah how embarrassing to be squeamish.

Anyway I put it down to not having enough iron, since i've cut myself before and seen blood etc and never felt any adverse effects. So thus began my quest to initiate myself into the carnivorous world of korean/japanese all you can eat bbq. On tues we went to Suminoya, a nice place at the end of an alley with zero ventilation. The bbq kept smoking up ALOT and the ventilator appeared to not work very well. I got first hand experience of what it would feel like to be trapped in a burning house. I never cried so much in my life. Near the end the whole bbq just went up in flames because of all the fat that dripped off the meat. The meat wasn't as bad as I dreaded it to be. It was a novel expericence. Especially the after effect of carrying the unscrubable smell of smokey bbq. Letting mum and sisters get a whiff made they salivate.

Anyway yesterday mum had to literally drag me to the doctors despite my grumbles. I was pleasantly surprised that I gained weight from the bbq and i was taller than i thought i was! Whoopee! But my BMI was still a bit low, 17 but at least it wasn't 16. But I have to do a full blood check. ggaaah. I know I'm going to be dizzy and faint. I hate needles, i can't even stand seem them being jabbed into people on tv.

Boohoo. I think I'll end up in perpetual state of being broke. I went to buy the SK-II basic essentials for old sis' bday. *cough* $80 for these tiny bottles. GRAH so mad. It's all clever marketing. So you either go the poor way and buy the tiny tiny bottles or the uber big heavy usage ones which added up to $521. Bleh. SK-II is really good. The moisturizer doesn't leave any greasy residue(big plus ./no1) and *shock* doesn't have the typical beauty-product odor. It's got no stinky smell!

Then being so silly, I decided to wander over to MARCs. Lo and behold they had a 50% off sale! Typically I couldn't resist and wandered around. I got a basic black blouse for my younger sis who's wardrobe is woefully lacking, that was marked down from $150 to $70. I had to keep repeating to myself how much was saved otherwise I'ld have gone down a total guilt trip for the next few weeks. Anyway when I got home we found my size 2 blouse is like one size smaller than the size 2 blouse i bought today. Okaaaay. So I now have to go back and exchange. >.<

Anyway. just getting those two items have exhausted me irrepairably. And not just physically.

Doh! And I was thinking i need to buy some new clothes since I hadn't bought any in.... ages. I think the last time was with Minnie in Newtown? But now i need to buy "work" clothes. Hitting the real world isn't fun.

On the way back from Coffs, Howie had the local radio on for whatever suburb we were passing thru, and like all good radio stations they have some sort of prize to give away. At first it was the frozen chook, then a leg of ham, then back in sydney it was a door.

( Kinky androgyny )

I come home, and i've issues left right and center and what do i do?
Sleep it off... =_=; nooo not avoidance behaviour again!! I'm in trouble *again*

anyway top at the list is CHURNNNn!!!!

I think i'm allergic to fast food. Went out to have some KFC after animation. Felt the urge to puke all the way home(even tho i missed a bus and had to hang around waiting for the next one) and beyond.

Lets try gaining weight by putting on muscle instead.

Yay found some new music to listen to! The Unicorns